


if there’s nothing to restore

by plinys



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-26 21:04:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16688791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plinys/pseuds/plinys
Summary: “I’m not Amaya."“I know that."[an episode tag for 4.05 -Tagumo Attacks!!!]





	if there’s nothing to restore

**Author's Note:**

> or someone was in my inbox like "mhmm do you wonder that even though if that sexual tension is there zari still feels hurt because she misses amaya" and i was like yes hello the answer is fic time children

She manages to last through the whole mission, helps Mick believe in himself enough to take care of the anachronism, does her job and even plays nice with their resident fugitive. They’d done their jobs, restored order to all of time, but why then did Zari still feel on edge? Unable to find anything close to peace in her usual refuge of snacks and video games. 

If Zari’s being honest she hasn’t been able to really relax for a while.

Not since Charlie turned into Amaya and Zari couldn’t send her away. 

Charlie occupies far more space in Zari’s mind than she should. Rationally, Zari knows that she should stop thinking about her, that she should just accept things the way they are, but that doesn’t mean that her heart doesn’t speed up whenever she catches sight of Charlie out of the corner of her eye.

But that’s just because she looks like Amaya…

Because for a second Zari can imagine it’s the woman that she had been falling in love with and lost before she got a chance to say those very words. 

But then Charlie speaks.

And the illusion fades.

And Zari remembers every reason she has to hate the woman that wears her best friend’s face.  

Ranting to Sara about Charlie seems like the most logical conclusion for getting Charlie off of her mind. A habit that she’s been indulging in more and more often lately, so when she happens to see Sara drinking in her office, Zari doesn’t hesitate to enter the room and start up as usual. 

“I hate her, I swear, she shows up here with Amaya’s face and-”

“Z-”

“I know she helped us with the mission, but she’s still awful, and I should’ve sent her to hell, I should have-”

Zari’s words freeze on her lips, at the sound of a noise of disgust coming from somebody other than Sara, suddenly noticing who she had missed when she showed up in Sara’s office with the intent to rant and complain. She’s here. Of course she’s here. Because Charlie always seems to be around whenever Zari is looking for a moment of peace without her. 

“Oh, please,  _ love _ , don’t stop on my account,” Charlie says in the voice that is so clearly not Amaya’s.

It is easier like this, if she doesn’t turn around.

Doesn’t see that familiar face.

If she pretends that she can’t hear her, that she isn’t even there.

Sara shoots her a sympathetic look, and Zari is forced to tear her gaze away from Sara, forced to look in the other direction in order to avoid Sara’s pity. Settling instead on Charlie, sprawled out over a chair, almost hidden away in the corner. 

Charlie shoots her one of those  _ grins _ that looks so wrong on  _ Amaya’s  _ face, like she can see through all the secrets and walls that Zari has put up. 

“I need a refill,” Charlie pushes herself up off the chair. Zari tries not to watch her as she moves, tries not to catalogue each minute difference between the woman before her and the woman that Zari had lost. “I’ll leave you two to it.” 

There’s silence for a moment as she walks away, before finally Sara breaks it - “Z?”

Zari sighs.

Already bracing herself for the worst, it’s her fault for not checking that the room was empty before coming barreling in. “Spare me the lecture.”

Sara hums, agreeable for the moment, “You should talk to her.”

“What do you know, that is actually the  _ last  _ thing I would ever want to do,” Zari says, with a grimace, “Since when were you even on her side?” 

Sara shrugs. 

But she’s got a glass of  _ something  _ strong in her hand, and the sight of Charlie having left her office just moments before makes it easy enough to put two and two together. Apparently that was all it took, one drink with Charlie and suddenly everyone was on her side.

First it was Ray.

Then Mick.

And now, Sara. 

“Right,” Zari says with a grimace, “If you don’t mind I’m going to go find somebody relational to talk to.” 

She’s not sure who she’s looking for.

John maybe.

John seemed to have about as little of a favorable opinion as she did about Charlie. 

Except he’s not really the best company either.

She’s not really thinking about where she is going, just needs the space, just needs to take a break. Her comfort has always been comfort food, so it’s no wonder that without thinking her feet take her to the kitchen. Usually her refuge, a place to find a snack, the sort of snacks that she never had back in her time.

But when she enters now the kitchen isn’t empty.

_ Right. _

Charlie had said that she needed another drink so of course she would be here.

“You’re not following me are you,” Charlie asks, her voice that teasing lit that Zari can’t stand. 

“No,” Zari insists. “I’m getting a snack, and then going to bed.”

Charlie makes a dismissive noise in reply, as if she doesn’t quite believe her. 

“What you need is a drink,” Charlie says with a wink. “And company.”

There’s an implication there. 

An offer that Zari knows is only teasing. 

Only meant to rile herself up more, but for a second she can’t help but consider it. Letting this tension between them turn into sexual tension. To give into the voice in the back of her mind that can’t help but wonder if she would feel like Amaya, if she would kiss like Amaya, if she would  _ fuck  _ like Amaya.

Zari forces herself to ignore the second offer, instead focusing on the first, “I don’t drink.” 

“You’re missing out,” Charlie tells her, still offering one of her beer bottles in Zari’s direction.

She doesn’t owe Charlie an explanation.

Doesn’t owe her anything at all.

But she still finds herself explaining, “It’s for religious reasons.” 

Charlie seems to genuinely consider that, pausing, taking a second to assess. For a second she looks almost like a real person, listening to the point that Zari has made. For a second the expression she makes reminds Zari so painfully of Amaya that it  _ hurts _ . 

Then, she shrugs like it was nothing, a moment’s fancy, her judgemental tone returning with a little less fire than before, “You humans really are something.” 

Maybe Sara was right.

Maybe Zari should talk with her. 

“Look, Charlie, I should explain…” Zari starts, though trailing off, reluctant to do so. 

What is there even to say?

What can she say?

Charlie manages to somehow ask the very question that is sticking around Zari’s head. 

“What’s there to explain,” Charlie asks, “You don’t like me. I don’t fucking like being here. Don’t feel like either of us are about to change our opinions on that any time soon, love.” 

“No,” Zari agrees, defensively crossing her arms over her chest. 

There’s something about Charlie that always catches her off guard, that always makes her feel a little bit on edge. It’s more than just Amaya’s face staring back at her. 

She always does this, stepping up too close into Zari’s space, too close for comfort. Because there’s a part of Zari that wants to reach out for Charlie, that wants to pull her in close. A part of her that wants to kiss her just as much as she wants to kill her.

And Zari isn’t certain what to do with that part of her.

“No, it’s not,” Zari says again. “But we’re stuck together, for better or worse. I know that I’m never going to be comfortable with the fact that you’re wearing my best friend’s face, but even without that you’re not the most  _ likable  _ person.”

That was really her best attempt at polite.

The best she can manage with Charlie this close.

Inches away from her.

She tells herself that her heart is beating so fast out of barely restrained anger. 

Nothing more than that. 

“Best friend,” Charlie repeats the words.

Slowing it down.

Seeing between the lines.

“The way you look at me, love, that’s not how someone looks at their  _ best friend _ .” 

The sharp intake of breath is involuntary, but there’s no way Charlie misses it.

“I’m not Amaya,” Charlie continues, informing her, plain and simple, as if Zari wasn’t well aware of the fact. “I never will be.” 

“I know that,” Zari insists. 

Even though her heart is still beating to fast.

Even though there’s a part of her that wants nothing more than for the woman in front of her to be Amaya. 

Even though the words sound fake to her own ears, she says, “I don’t need to be Amaya.” 

When Charlie smiles it’s with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes, finally stepping back, away from Zari. Finally giving Zari a chance to breathe again. To remember where she was and  _ who  _ she was with.

“Keep telling yourself that, love, maybe one day you’ll actually believe it.” 

 


End file.
